I-I don't know. It's--I never thought about it. It's just...I can't let people know about it. That's...it.
[ it sounds so much smaller and stupider than it feels. but that's really it: there's no magic curse keeping it secret, just his own fear and prescription grade denial of it. ]
As you asked, I'll forget about it if that's what you want.
[ Estinien is hardly one to press people for history that they'd rather forget. And he knows how much loss can alter a person for the worse. He's just already had his arc of being made to face it, and knowing that ignoring it would be a far greater injustice.
But Danny is fourteen, there's a lot you'd rather forget at fourteen. ]
[ It's a nice offer, one Danny asked of him to begin with, but he knows there's no putting this cat back in the bag. ]
N-no, but...it could be. I mean...if all it takes is cheating on a single test, who knows how easy it is to slip down that path! If I make one mistake, that might be it.
[ it doesn't help that they're currently in a realm that can mess with your head to make you murder, either. ]
So then, do you propose a lifestyle where you live on edge at all times? Holding yourself to expectations of never making mistakes, being perfect? For whom?
I would think such stress is far more liable to make one snap in the long run.
I thought I should have died for it, but some fools believed hard enough to fight for me to survive it. And now, here I am.
I certainly wish it hadn't happened, but I can hardly keep on living the rest of my life on knife's edge for any slip and fall. 'Twould be disingenuous to those who had helped me, and brought in a new age of peace.
'Twas because by killing me, they would have killed Nidhogg. The cause of so much of our grief and pain.
[ SIGHS. Danny can get that lore straight from his own mouth, sure. But to put it simply... ]
I don't, I suppose. Nidhogg may be dead, but his aether has tainted my body evermore. And to be frank, the events of this place have left me worried that it may be a possibility.
Aye. But 'twould be pitiful of me to shut myself off, and not allow myself to see the new world through my changed eyes.
[ Crossing his arms. ]
'Twas a lesson for me, in that regard. And is a new chapter of my life. I ware not to fall into the depths of depravity I once reveled in, but how can I promise to do that were I not to keep experiencing new things?
Not acknowledging your weaknesses means you'll never build up a defense to them. We are but men, imperfect. You would sooner become inhuman by holding yourself to standards we cannot uphold.
'Twas my experience back then, that changed me for the better. [ He sighs. ] Were it not for that, I may still have been rotten to the core, not realising it.
Avoiding the stuff I know will make me turn bad is acknowledging my weaknesses, though! I don't get how just...going back to living normally like nothing happened is supposed to be better.
...maybe the difference is, for you, it actually happened. It's over. For me, I just...know what could happen, at any moment. No one else even knows it ever happened at all.
If you ask me, that's even more ridiculous of a reason to live your life walking permanently on eggshells.
Why waste your current life fearing possibilities? Every day when I walk out in umbral weather, there's a chance I could be struck by lightning. Shall I simply stay inside instead, always?
[ Hand on his hip. Come on, Danny. Your paranoia. It's clear in his tone that he's really right about to cross the edge from actual sympathetic to some exasperation. ]
[ he deflates a little. well, when you put it THAT way, then yeah, it sounds dumb!!! ]
I can't just pretend it didn't happen, though. Or, almost happened, I guess. Especially since I'm the only one who really knows. Someone has to...I don't know, take it into account.
Well...kind of. My friends know about that future, but they thought I beat him--or, uh, me--right away. They don't know that he came back, pretending to be me, while I was trapped. My sister does, but...even she doesn't know how close they all came to dying and that...that whole future coming true.
Clockwork--that's the time ghost, in the purple robes--he...undid the last part. Where they all died again. So the only one who knows about it, really knows all of it, is me. ...and Clockwork, I guess.
[ is what Danny thinks and how the show frames it, anyway. Personally I think he doesn't give a shit about Danny and operates on a foreign system of morality that deems it acceptable and right to specifically orchestrate an insane tragedy and an apocalypse to traumatize a child into never making a bad decision ever. ]
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Boy, calm down -- breathe. I barely even understood what I saw, let alone do anything about it.
[ His own tone is even if not a little confused as to what to do about this.
...Holding a hand out for him to get back up? ]
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No, you don't get it! No one else is even supposed to know about that!
[ sorry, he's still a little too panicked to notice the hand ]
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Firmly, though not harshly: ]
What exactly is going to happen if I do?
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I-I don't know. It's--I never thought about it. It's just...I can't let people know about it. That's...it.
[ it sounds so much smaller and stupider than it feels. but that's really it: there's no magic curse keeping it secret, just his own fear and prescription grade denial of it. ]
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[ Estinien is hardly one to press people for history that they'd rather forget. And he knows how much loss can alter a person for the worse. He's just already had his arc of being made to face it, and knowing that ignoring it would be a far greater injustice.
But Danny is fourteen, there's a lot you'd rather forget at fourteen. ]
It isn't as if it's the current you.
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N-no, but...it could be. I mean...if all it takes is cheating on a single test, who knows how easy it is to slip down that path! If I make one mistake, that might be it.
[ it doesn't help that they're currently in a realm that can mess with your head to make you murder, either. ]
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But Estinien crosses his arms, thinking. ]
So then, do you propose a lifestyle where you live on edge at all times? Holding yourself to expectations of never making mistakes, being perfect? For whom?
I would think such stress is far more liable to make one snap in the long run.
1/2
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...I have to, though. I mean, if slipping up even once, just for a second, leads to...that...what choice do I have?
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...I almost was once the cause for burning everything I loved down to ash, as well. Because of a mistake I made.
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...and?
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It's of the past. What 'and' is there to it?
I thought I should have died for it, but some fools believed hard enough to fight for me to survive it. And now, here I am.
I certainly wish it hadn't happened, but I can hardly keep on living the rest of my life on knife's edge for any slip and fall. 'Twould be disingenuous to those who had helped me, and brought in a new age of peace.
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That much of an impact? Wow.
...How do you know it won't happen again, though?
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[ SIGHS. Danny can get that lore straight from his own mouth, sure. But to put it simply... ]
I don't, I suppose. Nidhogg may be dead, but his aether has tainted my body evermore. And to be frank, the events of this place have left me worried that it may be a possibility.
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So if it's still possible...wouldn't it be more disingenuous to let it happen again because you weren't being careful enough?
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[ Crossing his arms. ]
'Twas a lesson for me, in that regard. And is a new chapter of my life. I ware not to fall into the depths of depravity I once reveled in, but how can I promise to do that were I not to keep experiencing new things?
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I can't--I can't risk that becoming real, ever.
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'Twas my experience back then, that changed me for the better. [ He sighs. ] Were it not for that, I may still have been rotten to the core, not realising it.
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...maybe the difference is, for you, it actually happened. It's over. For me, I just...know what could happen, at any moment. No one else even knows it ever happened at all.
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Why waste your current life fearing possibilities? Every day when I walk out in umbral weather, there's a chance I could be struck by lightning. Shall I simply stay inside instead, always?
[ Hand on his hip. Come on, Danny. Your paranoia. It's clear in his tone that he's really right about to cross the edge from actual sympathetic to some exasperation. ]
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I can't just pretend it didn't happen, though. Or, almost happened, I guess. Especially since I'm the only one who really knows. Someone has to...I don't know, take it into account.
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Why exactly are you the only person who knows of it?
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Clockwork--that's the time ghost, in the purple robes--he...undid the last part. Where they all died again. So the only one who knows about it, really knows all of it, is me. ...and Clockwork, I guess.
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[ He seemed to be a bad guy but then... he helped you...? ]
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[ is what Danny thinks and how the show frames it, anyway. Personally I think he doesn't give a shit about Danny and operates on a foreign system of morality that deems it acceptable and right to specifically orchestrate an insane tragedy and an apocalypse to traumatize a child into never making a bad decision ever. ]
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